"I see you."
A while back, I shared a blog post about having to disconnect from Instagram in order to help me discern. The time has come to share with you the fruits of my discernment.
Many of you know that I am lay person, married with children, working for the Sisters as their vocation coordinator. A few months ago, I began feeling a tugging at my heart and desire to use my gifts in a more direct way. At first, I wondered if I was called to be a stay-at-home mom. I'd followed many women on Instagram who made this lifestyle look promising, but I needed to test this desire without the influence of Instagram. Once I left the social media platform for a time, the desire to stay home left me. But I still felt a tugging at my heart. A few circumstances presented themselves repeatedly in a way that I could not ignore. Following these invitations led me to accept another job in ministry, making this my final week as the vocation coordinator with the Sisters of the Precious Blood.
This decision was made with deep prayer, listening and assistance from my spiritual director and family. I do have a deep sense of peace and even excitement about this transition, but it doesn't erase the sadness about leaving. It has been a true blessing to walk with women discerning religious life and I've been blessed to witness God's call in their lives. As I reflect back on my years with the Sisters, I'm confident that I was called to serve alongside them. Precious Blood Spirituality has left a mark on my soul that cannot be erased. In many ways, the spirituality mimicked the events in my life in a way that added meaning and gave me hope. The prayers and communal support of the sisters carried me through some dark and scary times in my personal life too. But the same God that called me to the Sisters has called me to another way of ministering.
My spiritual director reminded me that God would not call me at the expense of my family or the Sisters. This does not mean there won't be difficulties with the transition, but that God will provide for everyone. As I continued to reflect on this, I was gifted with the remembrance of a scene from The Chosen. We know the story of Jesus calling Peter, but in doing so, Peter had to leave his wife and sick mother-in-law behind. To some extent, Peter's call seems to be at the expense of his family. But in this scene, Jesus shares an intimate moment with Peter's wife (named Eden in the show), saying "I see you."
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=476685627093336 (For some reason, it will not embed the video to this post- -- but here is the link. PLEASE watch it!)
So, rest assured, God sees you. God sees the Sisters of the Precious Blood. And God will provide. Wherever you find yourself on this discernment journey, whether or not you are considering religious life, God sees you. Take some time in the next week to rest and to be seen by God. The God who has led you here, and the God who has called me, will continue to lead you, to see you and to call you.
Please know of my prayers for all of you and kindly pray for me too.